The Power of Comparison: Finding Balance in Life

When Comparison Steals Your Joy

Let’s be real: men compare.

We compare our bodies—abs, arms, body hair, how we look in the gym, in the mirror, or in the showers.

We compare careers—who’s earning more, who’s in charge, who seems more respected.

We compare relationships—who’s got the “perfect” partner, more sex, less stress.

We compare cars, homes, holidays, how confident someone seems at a party...the list goes on.

Underneath all of this, the harshest comparison is often the one we make with an imagined version of ourselves—the man we think we should be by now. The one endorsed by an invisible committee telling us what a “real man” looks like.

In my work with men, this comes up again and again. The comparison isn’t always with someone else. More often, it’s with a fantasy self. This is the version of them who’s always calm, confident, productive, sexy, successful, grounded, ripped, generous, spiritually enlightened… you get the picture. The man who has it all together.

When we fall short of that ideal (which we always will because he doesn’t actually exist), it can feel like failure. Like we’re not good enough, not doing enough, not being enough. That kind of comparison disconnects you from yourself. It pulls you out of your body, out of the moment, and into a spiral of judgment, frustration, and shame.

Here’s the truth: that imagined version of you is built on unrealistic expectations and cultural conditioning. It’s not a goal - it’s a ghost. Comparing your beautifully messy, human life to that polished illusion? Now that’s how your joy gets stolen.

When Comparison Is Used Wisely

Comparison itself isn’t the enemy. It’s a tool and, like any tool, how you use it makes all the difference. When used with care and wisdom, comparison can give you perspective. It actually helps you notice, learn, and grow. What you focus on is key! Narrow it down. Make it useful.

Start Here: Make Comparisons Useful

Let go of what you have been told should matter to you. Here’s the shift. Stop comparing everything! Start comparing the small things that actually help and matter to you. By the way, social media is never worth comparing yourself with! Ever.

Base Comparisons on:

1. Your Own Values

   Compare your actions or choices to the values you actually care about, not what others say should matter.

   “Was I honest in that conversation?” “Did I act with kindness or courage?”

   
   

2. Your Own Progress

   Measure against where you were last week, last month, or last year.

   “Am I sleeping better?” “Do I feel more confident speaking up?” “Has my flexibility improved in this pose?”

   
   

3. Your Level of Presence or Intention

   Not what you achieved but how you showed up.

   “Was I present with my partner today?” “Did I pause before reacting?”

   
   

4. How Something Feels in Your Body or Nervous System

   Track shifts in felt experience and not surface appearance.

   “Do I feel more grounded after that walk?” “How does this workout affect my energy levels?”

   
   

5. Experiences that Reflect Growth or Alignment

   Notice moments when you responded differently or made a new choice.

   “I used to avoid this kind of conversation, and today I initiated it.” “Last year I wouldn’t have taken a break, and today I did.”

   
   

These kinds of comparisons are focused and build awareness instead of shame. They promote progress instead of pressure. They empower and build trust in yourself, increasing your self-worth.

Avoid Comparisons Based on:

• External validation (likes, income, compliments)

• Social status symbols (cars, job titles, partner’s appearance)

• Idealised versions of masculinity (toughness, sexual prowess, emotional control, size)

• Fantasy versions of yourself you think you "should" be by now

  
  

Practice: Reclaim Comparison

Take a moment now.

Think of a comparison you’ve been making lately, one that leaves you feeling small or “not enough.” Then ask:

• Is this comparison helping me or hurting me?

• Am I comparing myself to a real person or to a fantasy?

• Does what I am comparing myself with really matter?

• What would a more useful, more compassionate comparison look like?

  
  

Comparison is inevitable. Suffering from it doesn’t have to be. What you do with comparison is what matters. Use it as a wise mirror, not a weapon!

Conclusion: Embracing a Healthier Perspective

In conclusion, comparison can be both a thief and a teacher. It is essential to recognise when it steals your joy and when it can be a tool for growth. By focusing on the right aspects of comparison, you can transform your perspective and enhance your life experience.

I’d love to hear how this lands for you. What kinds of comparisons show up most in your life, and can you use them wisely to boost your joy rather than reduce it?

Till the next time.

Enjoy the day you create.

Martin