The Numbers That Define Us: Are They Really Important?

Understanding Our Relationship with Numbers

We often let numbers—age, weight, salary, height, and even how much we can lift—shape our sense of self and worth. We don’t just see the number; we attach meaning to it, layering on judgments about who we are.

Is benching 100kg, being over six foot, or hitting a certain salary about your value as a man? Or is it just a number?

Numbers Are Everywhere

Age. Weight. Height. How many miles you run. The calories in your breakfast. The money you earn. Steps on your smartwatch.

Numbers surround us. Thanks to social media, they’re no longer private. Followers, likes, and comments can start to feel like scoreboards for life.

The truth? It’s not the numbers themselves that matter. It’s the meaning, maybe even the power, we attach to them. We add a narrative to them. Quietly and subconsciously, we let them decide our value.

When Age Becomes a Rulebook

For many, age becomes a rulebook. When people discover my age, they often pause. Then comes the classic question: “Are you sure you should be doing that at your age?”

That question reveals more about them than it does about me. It points to something bigger: the invisible “guidelines” society holds about what men should do and how they should look at certain ages.

David Robson, in The Expectation Effect, shows how our beliefs about ageing can directly influence our health—both positively and negatively. If we believe we’re “too old” for something, we don’t just avoid that activity; we begin to limit ourselves in other ways too. We contract rather than expand our sense of what’s possible.

I see it all the time. If I mention swimming in cold water, eyebrows are raised. If I say I run half marathons, concern arises. But yoga? No reaction. Apparently, that’s “allowed” for my age—as though the rulebook says gentle stretching is fine, but anything that gets the heart pumping crosses the line. (It also tells me these people have never been to an Ashtanga yoga class!)

Men, Numbers, and the Body

Many men judge themselves based on numbers linked to their bodies:

• Height

• Number of visible abs

• Hair loss

• Weight lifted in the gym

• How many times they have sex

• Size of biceps

• Or, let’s be honest, penis size.

  
  

The unspoken equation often goes something like this: Bigger = more virile, more masculine, more valid. Smaller = less so.

Others measure themselves by the speed of a run, the weight on a bench press, or how quickly they bounce back from injury. Often, we’re not even comparing ourselves to other men but to a younger version of ourselves. Our 25-year-old body becomes the eternal yardstick, and we feel like we’re “losing.”

It’s rarely just one number either. If you’re chasing validation, you’ll use many scoreboards: body, fitness, money, sex, career. None of the numbers are bad in themselves; rather, it’s the stories we attach to them that do the damage. The problem arises when we let numbers decide our worth.

Society’s Obsession With Numbers

Society loves numbers because they’re easy to measure and compare. From early childhood, we’re taught that numbers equal value. A 10 out of 10 in a spelling test means genius. A 2 out of 10 means failure. Never mind that two kids in the same class can be nearly a year apart in age!

The same goes for adulthood. Settle down by 30. Buy a house by 35. Peak in your career by 40. Retire by 67. If you don’t tick the boxes at the “right” time, you’re seen as behind or less worthy.

Age is a big one. Children boast: “I’m 7 and three-quarters!” Older people get celebrated at milestones: “I’m nearly 92!” Somewhere in the middle, people start hiding their numbers.

When I tell people my age, the most common response is: “You don’t look your age!” It’s meant as a compliment, yet it carries an unspoken assumption that there’s a “standard” way we’re all supposed to look at each age. If you look older, have you failed the test? Are you somehow “less than” because you don’t match the picture?

Health and Sexual Scorecards

Then there are the medical numbers: blood pressure, cholesterol, testosterone levels. They’re useful markers, yes, but for many men, they become verdicts on masculinity and vitality.

Let’s not forget the unspoken “performance” numbers that are in many men's heads—how often you have sex, how long you last, how many partners you’ve had. Men compare here too. The truth is intimacy isn’t a scoreboard, yet numbers creep in and pile on unnecessary pressure to perform.

The Weight of Expectations Men Carry

Numbers themselves are neutral. They don’t care who you are. It’s our relationship with them that creates pressure.

Society gives us a checklist of when things “should” happen:

• Settle down by this age.

• Look like this at that age.

• Stop certain activities once you hit a certain number.

  
  

Chasing numerical goals can lead to strain, both mental and physical. When we attach rules like “I should be at X by Y age,” we set ourselves up for stress, burnout, and disappointment. The pressure builds.

We push harder than we need to, risking injury, exhaustion, or anxiety. Numbers can be useful guides, yet when they define us, the joy drains away.

Here’s the truth: the rules aren’t real. They’re made up. They’re cultural habits, not universal truths. In fact, in many cultures, age is respected and honoured. For example, when my mother celebrated her 90th birthday in Thailand, her age was seen as an incredible achievement and not something to hide.

When someone questions why I still run or go to the gym, I sometimes wonder if they are reflecting their own fears back at me. Are they really asking themselves if they could be doing more, rather than whether I ought to be doing less?

The Mental Toll of Number Chasing

When we add layers to numbers, like “I should be at X by Y age,” we set ourselves up for disappointment.

Obsessing over weight, fitness personal bests, sexual performance, and financial milestones can lead to anxiety, stress, burnout, and injury. I’ve been there: pushing for one more rep or one faster mile only to end up sore, frustrated, or watching Netflix with an ice pack.

The Joy of Letting Go of Numbers

We are more than the numbers we hit or miss. Fulfilment comes from the connections, experiences, and memories that can’t be measured.

Instead of asking what number did I hit, I ask:

• How do I feel?

• Is this bringing me joy, energy, or meaning?

• Does it help me connect with myself or others?

  
  

When I focus here, numbers lose their power to define me.

Whether you’re 27, 57, or 87, whether you run marathons or prefer a gentle walk with a coffee afterwards, whether you are tall or short, whether you have sex daily, weekly, or rarely, the number is just one detail in your story. It’s not the headline.

Rewriting the Script

Numbers are not the enemy, and I’m not saying to ignore them completely. They can be helpful markers. But the magic happens when we stop adding the extra layer of “I should…”

Age is simply how many trips you’ve had around the sun. Weight is simply how much your body weighs today. Money is simply the number in your account. Height is simply your measurement. Your penis? Simply the size it is.

The real question is, how do you live with the numbers in your life? What power are you giving them to define you?

Maybe the next time someone says, “You don’t look your age,” I'll just smile and say, “This is exactly what my age looks like.”

Because it is.

Until the next time.

Enjoy the day you create.

Martin