Destination Sex Versus Journey Sex

Our patterns around our our sexual activities are established early in our lives. For many men, our first sexual experiences are secretive, under the cover of our duvets and in silence. Being heard is a no-no.

We also learn what type of sex is ‘acceptable’ and ‘normal’ through conversations with friends, influences we are exposed to including family, friends, religion, faiths, state and even porn! From all of this, our sexual patterns and attitudes take shape, and the focus tends to be on Destination Sex rather than Journey Sex, irrespective of our sexuality.

In this blog, I explore these two ways of experiencing sex, Destination Sex and Journey Sex, and how awareness and presence can transform both.

Destination Sex

For men, Destination Sex is focused on the end game of ejaculation and orgasm.

From the moment things begin, there’s a goal to reach. All the energy is directed toward that destination. It can become a bit like ‘sex by numbers’ following a familiar plan or routine, whether solo or shared.

When you’re on your own, it might look like the quick, habitual “get to sleep” tug or boredom hands behind there desk session and be more about release than pleasure, often disconnected from the body. The mind drives the process, relying on fantasy or porn for stimulation, while the body is barely involved. Afterwards, it’s a quick clean-up and back to sleep or whatever you were doing before.

When you’re with a partner, the path might vary though the destination rarely does. Sensations are present but the head takes the lead monitoring, directing, and judging.

A couple of challenges arise with Destination Sex:

• If the destination isn’t reached, for whatever reason, it can feel frustrating, disappointing, or anxiety-inducing.

• It becomes about performance and when performance feels pressured, worries around erection, stamina or “doing it right” can surface.

• It’s often about control or proving something, rather than being present and feeling.

The orgasm might be powerful but when it’s over that’s it. Done. Finished. Box ticked.

Journey Sex

Journey Sex shifts the focus from outcome to experience.

It’s about sensations, letting the body take the lead and discovering what feels genuinely good. There’s no end goal, no finish line. The quality of the sensations is what matters.

In Journey Sex, sexual energy moves through the body, spreading pleasure beyond the genitals. It invites connection to yourself, to your partner, to the present moment. There’s no pressure to perform because there’s nothing to prove. It’s about feeling, not achieving.

That doesn’t mean orgasm doesn’t happen. It can but it’s not the aim. Men often discover that orgasm and ejaculation are not the same and orgasmic sensations can ripple through the body without release, expanding pleasure rather than ending it.

I once worked with a client who shared that during masturbation, he didn’t actually feel his penis or body and everything was focused on ejaculation. Once we worked together on slowing down and connecting to physical sensation, he discovered a new way of experiencing pleasure. He relied less on imagination or porn and more on what his body was actually feeling and it transformed his relationship with his sexual activities.

Destination Sex or Journey Sex?

Both have their place. One isn’t better than the other, they simply serve different purposes.

Destination Sex can be exciting, passionate, and satisfying. Journey Sex can be nourishing, connective, and expansive.

Both forms of sex can become more fulfilling when approached with awareness and presence. Destination Sex can become more connected and embodied when you bring attention into the sensations and the shared experience, not just the goal. Journey Sex invites you to slow down, breathe, and explore what truly feels good, even amazing!

From Presence in Sex to Presence in Life

Learning to shift from Destination Sex to Journey Sex is about reconnecting with your body and letting go of performance pressures. Both types of sex can become more present and fulfilling when approached with awareness.

Over time, and through my work, I’ve noticed that when men allow themselves to move from being in their head to being fully in their body, their sexual experience changes and pleasure, connection, and authenticity deepen naturally. Experiences shift from being about technique or goals to feeling more, being present, and exploring what truly feels good.

What’s remarkable is that these shifts often ripple into other areas of life. Men report showing up differently in relationships, work, and personal growth living with more presence, confidence, and connection beyond their sexual experiences.

Until the next time.

Enjoy the day you create.

Martin