Your body never lies. It is your most faithful guide, offering real-time feedback on how you’re living, moving, and feeling. The mind, however, is easily swayed by expectations, conditioning, and distractions. While the mind justifies, overthinks, or ignores, the body simply speaks its truth. Are you listening? And more importantly, do you trust what your body is telling you? For many, the path from mind to body is a superhighway that is well-travelled and reinforced. But the route from body to mind? That’s often just a narrow cycle track, overlooked and underused. Learning to trust the body's wisdom means widening that path, making space for sensation, intuition, and awareness. Your Body Speaks—Are You Listening? We have grown used to overriding our body’s signals. Fatigue? Push through. Pain? Ignore it. Anxiety? Suppress it. Excitement? Tone it down. We have been conditioned to distrust our own physical experience and to believe that logic, rules, or external validation matter more than what we feel deep inside. Yet the body speaks in clear, undeniable ways: When you’re unsafe , your stomach tightens, your breath shortens, your muscles tense. When you’re stressed , your shoulders creep up, your jaw clenches, your heartbeat races. When something excites you , your energy surges, your skin tingles, your breath deepens. When you’re holding back emotions , you might feel a lump in your throat, heaviness in your chest, or an ache in your gut. When you experience pleasure , your breath slows and deepens, your skin becomes more sensitive, warmth spreads through your body, and your muscles relax. Sometimes pleasure feels like waves moving through you, sometimes it is a tingling aliveness, a pulsing sensation, or a sense of spaciousness and expansion. These sensations are not random. They are messages. Your body is always guiding you if you choose to listen. What Happens When We Ignore the Body’s Messages? When we consistently override or suppress what our body is telling us, it doesn't just go away. The messages become louder, often showing up as: Chronic tension and pain – Ignored stress or emotional suppression can manifest as headaches, tight shoulders, digestive issues, or general body aches. Fatigue and burnout – Pushing through exhaustion without rest leads to energy depletion, adrenal fatigue, and a weakened immune system. Anxiety and emotional imbalance – When we don’t process emotions through the body, they can get stuck, leading to ongoing stress, anxiety, or even depression. Digestive issues – The gut is deeply connected to our emotions. Ignoring discomfort, stress, or unhealthy habits can result in bloating, IBS, or gut-related disorders. Disconnection from pleasure – The more we disconnect from our body’s sensations, the harder it becomes to fully feel and enjoy pleasure, whether that’s through food, movement, intimacy, or everyday experiences. Increased risk of illness – A body in constant stress mode is more prone to illness due to chronic inflammation and a weakened immune system. Ignoring the body’s signals doesn’t make them disappear—it just forces them to manifest in more severe ways. But the good news is, we can relearn how to listen and trust our body before it reaches that breaking point . From Disconnection to Trust For many of us, the mind-body connection is a one-way street : the mind dominates, while the body is forced to comply. We punish our bodies for not looking the way we want. We criticize them for aging, for not performing how we think they should. This disconnection is especially apparent in our most intimate moments. Instead of allowing sex to be a journey of physical exploration and pleasure , we often turn it into a performance with an end goal —chasing an expectation rather than experiencing the moment. When we override our body’s natural rhythm, we lose touch with the depth of sensation, intimacy, and connection that is possible. But what if we did things differently? What if we trusted our bodies rather than fought against them? Relearning How to Listen Trusting your body starts with paying attention . Here’s how you can reconnect: Pause and notice: Throughout the day, check in. What sensations are present? Where do you feel tension or ease? Breathe into discomfort: Instead of ignoring pain or anxiety, bring awareness to it. What is it trying to tell you? Move intuitively: Rather than forcing exercise or movement, explore what feels good—whether it’s stretching, dancing, or simply breathing deeply. Follow pleasure: In all areas of life, from eating to intimacy, slow down and savour what feels nourishing. Respect your boundaries: If something doesn’t feel right in your body, whether it’s a relationship, a situation, or a decision, trust that instinct. Tantra: The Body Before the Mind This is why I am drawn to Tantra as part of BeNkd Coaching—it is a practice that places the body before the mind . Tantra doesn’t ask us to analyse, suppress, or control our physical experience. Instead, it teaches us to be fully present in  our bodies, to move with awareness, to feel without judgment, and to trust sensation as a guide. Through Tantra, connection isn’t just something we think about it’s something we experience . Pleasure isn’t just an idea, it’s something we embody. It is one of the most powerful ways to break free from the mental noise and return to what is real: the breath, the movement, the energy flowing within us. As the mind softens, the wisdom of the body becomes clearer. Why Bother Listening? - 8 Benefits 1. Greater Physical Well-Being When you pay attention to your body’s signals of fatigue, tension, pain you can respond before issues escalate . This helps prevent burnout, injuries, and chronic stress-related conditions. 2. Reduced Stress and Anxiety Ignoring your body’s stress signals keeps your nervous system in overdrive. Listening allows you to self-regulate , using breath, movement, and rest to bring yourself back to balance. 3. Improved Emotional Awareness Your body holds emotions. By tuning in, you can recognise when you’re holding tension from stress, sadness, or anger allowing you to process emotions rather than suppress them . 4. Enhanced Pleasure and Sensory Awareness Whether in daily life or intimate moments, listening to your body helps you experience more pleasure noticing subtle sensations, deepening breath, and allowing yourself to fully enjoy touch, movement, and connection. 5. Better Decision-Making Your body gives you intuitive signals that gut feeling about a decision, the energy shift when something is right or wrong. Trusting these signals helps guide choices that align with your well-being. 6. Increased Self-Trust and Confidence The more you listen to your body and honor its messages, the more you build trust in yourself . You become less reliant on external validation and more grounded in your own needs and boundaries. 7. Stronger Mind-Body Connection Listening to your body strengthens the feedback loop between thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations . This creates a more harmonious relationship between mind and body , leading to greater ease and self-awareness. 8. Deeper Connection with Others When you are present in your own body, you naturally become more attuned to others —able to communicate more authentically, engage with more presence, and connect on a deeper level. The Mind-Body Connection Of course to fully experience life, we need both the body and the mind. Rather than allowing one to dominate, true balance comes from cultivating awareness of both by learning to listen, feel, and trust our physical sensations as much as our thoughts. When body and mind work in harmony, we move through life with greater ease, confidence, and authenticity. This is where real transformation happens. Your Body Knows—Trust It Your body is your most honest ally. It tells you when something is wrong, when something is right, and when you need to adjust . It is not your enemy. It does not betray you. It does not need to be fixed. It simply needs to be heard . So, the next time you find yourself doubting or dismissing what your body is saying, pause. Listen. Trust. Your body knows the way. Enjoy the day you create.   Until next time   Martin

Ditch the cycle of motivation and setbacks—shift your focus from what you do to who you are in 2025. With the start of a new year, many people think about making changes in their lives, setting intentions, and striving for new goals. For many, New Year’s resolutions tend to focus on behaviours: running more, eating healthier, or finding a new job. While these action-based goals can work for some, they often lead to frustration and setbacks when life gets busy or motivation wanes. Why? Because they focus solely on outcomes rather than addressing the deeper question: Who do you want to be?   Identity Goals are the game-changer. By aligning your goals with your values and beliefs, you’re not just changing what you do—you’re changing who you are! Research shows that you are much more likely to achieve your goals when they stem from an identity goal rather than an action goal. For example: Instead of saying, “I will lose weight,” embrace, “I am a healthy person.” Swap “I will exercise regularly” for “I am fit and healthy.” Exchange “I will write more” for “I am a writer.” Instead of “I will communicate better in relationships,” embody “I am open and honest about my desires and boundaries.”  Start small:  One action a day that reflects your new identity is enough to create momentum. For example: Identity Goal: "I am a healthy person." Action: Drink a glass of water first thing every morning. Identity Goal: "I am a writer." Action: Write one sentence every day. Identity Goal: "I am sexually confident." Action: Take a moment to connect with your body and notice what feels good.  Yes, achieving goals can be hard. Life gets in the way, motivation dips, and challenges arise. When you root your aspirations in an identity goal, you’re building a foundation that helps you stay consistent and inspired, even when things get tough. Imagine the possibilities for 2025 if your goals came from who you are rather than what you want to do!!! Until next time Enjoy the day you create. Martin

Stay open, flexible, and connected—shift from rigid goals to meaningful intentions in 2025. As we stand at the threshold of a new year, it’s natural to think about what we want to achieve and how we want to grow. Before diving into resolutions or goals, it’s worth considering: are we approaching the year with intentions , or are we setting ourselves up with expectations ? Intentions vs. Expectations Intentions are about being.  They guide us toward the kind of person we want to become and the qualities we want to cultivate. Intentions might sound like: “I want to approach challenges with curiosity.” “I aim to prioritise ease and balance.” They keep us connected to the journey, allowing us to adjust as life unfolds. Expectations, on the other hand, are about outcomes and agendas.  They’re rigid and often tied to specific achievements. Expectations might say: “I must accomplish this by a certain time.” “If I don’t succeed in this one way, I’ve failed.” Expectations create pressure and lead to disappointment when things don’t go exactly as planned. They also can mean we are focused on the future rather than what is actully happening in the moiment. If you've ever felt that something doesn't feel right despite what you are being told at work, socially, in a relationship or the bedroom its often because there is a hidden agenda and expectation in the background. As you reflect on the year ahead, consider setting intentions alongside - or even instead of - your goals. Here are a few prompts to help you get started: Who do I want to become this year? What values or qualities do I want to embody in my actions? How can I stay flexible and compassionate with myself as I pursue my goals? How can I cultivate healthy, open, and respectful interactions with others? By focusing on intentions, you can create a foundation for sustainable growth - one that prioritises the process over the outcome and allows space for unexpected opportunities. This mindset is also a powerful way to connect with others and stay grounded in your own body and truth. Whether it’s through movement, authentic sharing, or mindful practices, intentions keep us present and open to life as it unfolds. So, as you look ahead, remember: Intentions guide; expectations constrain. Intentions open doors; expectations close them. Here’s to a year of exploration, connection, and growth. Enjoy the day you create. Martin P.S.  I’d love to hear about your intentions for the year ahead. What qualities or values are you focusing on? Feel free to share - I’d be delighted to hear your thoughts.

Transform your life by aligning daily habits with your identity and values. Our daily habits shape who we are and who we become. They are the bridge between our intentions and the life we want to create. Whether you want improved health and fitness, mental and emotional balance, deeper connections, fulfilling sexual wellbeing or a stronger sense of self-worth and empowerment, building habits that align with your values and identity can lead to meaningful transformations. When habits are designed with intention, they become sustainable and easier to maintain, gradually creating lasting change—often with less effort than you might expect. Intentions: The Foundation for Change Intentions help guide our actions and keep us connected to what truly matters. They are not rigid goals but more like a compass for how we want to move through and experience life. Setting intentions based on personal values creates the foundation for sustainable change. For example: Health & Vitality → Intention: Nourish my body and mind. Emotional Well-being → Intention: Cultivate self-compassion. Relationships & Connection → Intention: Show up with presence and honesty. Self-Worth & Growth → Intention: Expand my comfort zone and say ‘yes’ to challenges. Sexual Well-being → Intention: Embrace my desires with openness and self-acceptance. By grounding your habits in your values, they become personally meaningful and easier to integrate into your life. Identity Goals: Becoming Who You Want to Be Rather than focusing on external outcomes, identity goals shift the focus to who you want to become . If your identity goal is to be a person who prioritizes well-being, then the habits you build will reflect that identity. When habits reinforce who we believe we are, they feel natural and require less effort to sustain. For example: I am someone who takes care of my body → Habit: Move daily in a way that feels good (yoga, walking, dancing, strength training). I am someone who nurtures my emotional well-being → Habit: Start or end the day with journaling or meditation. I am someone who builds deep relationships → Habit: Engage in honest conversations, set boundaries, and spend quality time with loved ones. I am someone who embraces growth → Habit: Say yes to new experiences that stretch your comfort zone. I am someone who honours my sexual well-being → Habit: Cultivate self-awareness, practice self-care, and explore intimacy with presence and authenticity. When habits reinforce identity, they become second nature rather than something that requires constant effort to maintain! Think how effortless, even mindless, it is to brush your teeth at night or make your first cup of coffee in the morning. How Habits Become Sustainable As James Clear explains in Atomic Habits , "You do not rise to the level of your goals; you fall to the level of your systems." Habits provide structure and consistency, making change feel natural and easier rather than forced and tough-going. According to Clear, four key principles make habits more effective and easier to sustain: Make It Obvious: Set up your environment to support your habits. If movement is your priority, keep your yoga mat or running shoes visible. I put my yoga mat out on my way up to bed at night so it’s ready for me in the morning. Make It Attractive: Pair habits with something enjoyable. If you’re building a mindfulness practice, put a snuggly blanket over your shoulders, light a candle, or play soothing music. I have played the same gentle piece of music that I love for my yoga for years. Make It Easy: Start small. If journaling daily feels daunting, begin with just one sentence. Small wins accumulate and lead to big changes over time. I still limit myself to one page for my daily journal even now after twenty years. Make It Satisfying: Celebrate progress. Acknowledge how your habits make you feel rather than focusing only on results. Every time you practice a habit, James Clear describes it as casting a vote for your identity . This reinforcement is similar to the addictive sensation of getting ‘likes’ on social media! When habits follow these principles, they become sustainable and self-reinforcing, reducing the effort needed to maintain them. Nudging Boundaries and Expanding Possibilities True growth happens when we gently push our edges. Habits can be a way to step beyond old limitations and embrace new possibilities. If exploring self-worth is important, the habit of speaking kindly to yourself can gradually shift your inner dialogue. We become what we tell ourselves we can become. If deepening relationships is a priority, a habit of expressing vulnerability can create more meaningful connections. If embracing sexual well-being is a focus, a habit of mindful touch, breath awareness, or exploring desires without shame can lead to deeper self-acceptance and fulfilling intimacy. Moving Forward Your habits are the way your life changes —and by designing habits that feel natural and reinforcing, they become part of who you are rather than something that requires effort to maintain. By consciously aligning your habits with your identity and values, you’re not just setting goals; you’re creating lasting transformation. Transformation is less about quantum leaps and more about showing up and taking small, consistent actions every day as the person you aspire to be. Consistency is key! As you consider the year ahead, ask yourself: "Who do I want to become?" "What small, daily habits will help me embody that identity?" Then, start building the bridge to lasting change. Enjoy the day you create.   Until next time   Martin

Why Spring (Not January) is the Best Time to Create a Vision Board For the past 20 years, I’ve been refining and evolving my approach to Vision Boards, both for myself and for the many men I’ve worked with in workshops. What started as a simple practice has developed into a powerful tool for setting intentions, tracking achievements, and consciously creating the life I want. Over time, I’ve realised that when you create a Vision Board matters just as much as how you create one. January is the traditional time for setting resolutions and making grand plans. But let's be honest—how many of those actually last? The cold, dark days zap energy and motivation, and life’s usual routines quickly take over. That’s why I believe that spring—or any significant event like a birthday—is a far better time to focus on visioning your future. The Power of Timing Spring is a season of renewal, growth, and fresh energy. Nature itself is waking up, stretching towards the light, and bursting into new possibilities. Aligning your personal intentions with this natural cycle increases the likelihood of success. You’re more energised, more open to change, and less weighed down by the sluggishness of winter. Similarly, birthdays and life milestones can be powerful times to reflect and recalibrate. These moments naturally invite us to take stock of where we’ve been and where we want to go. Rather than setting resolutions from a place of post-holiday exhaustion, we can create a Vision Board from a state of inspiration and clarity. What is a Vision Board? A Vision Board is a personal set of intentions and goals represented through words and images. It’s a way of mapping out your aspirations for the year ahead and beyond. It’s not just about making a collage of dreams—it’s about creating a tool for real transformation. How Does a Vision Board Work? If you don’t know where you are heading, you will end up somewhere else! A Vision Board works by taking time out to know what you truly want to experience in life. It serves as a focus, a reminder, and a guide—not a fixed pathway. Did you know that only 4% of your brain is conscious? That means most of what influences our actions happens on an unconscious level. In the rush of daily life, it’s easy to get distracted and lose focus on what truly matters to us. A Vision Board serves as a constant visual reminder of your aspirations, helping to keep you on track and motivated. It makes the subconscious conscious and keeps you aligned with your values as well. The Benefits of a Vision Board Generates and motivates daily action Puts you in the driving seat of your life Gives you a direction to follow Provides a daily focal point Creates new habits Keeps track of your progress Enables you to assess your choices and options Helps you stay accountable Vision Board Principles Creating a powerful and successful Vision Board requires: Intentions – Be clear about what you want. Acceptance – Honour where you are now. Kindness – Be compassionate with yourself. Patience – Allow the process to unfold. Ownership – Take responsibility for your path. Focus – Keep your vision in sight. Consistency – Engage with your board regularly. By embracing these principles, you’ll not only achieve your goals but also evolve in the process. A Vision Board isn’t just about reaching destinations—it’s about shaping who you become along the way. Looking Back to Move Forward One of the things I love about Vision Boards is that they also become a record of growth. Over the years, I’ve looked back at my past boards and seen how far I’ve come. Some goals have been achieved in unexpected ways, while others have shifted as I’ve grown. This is why I now include a section on achievements—because celebrating progress is just as important as setting new intentions. If you’ve never created a Vision Board, or if you’ve only ever done one in January, I invite you to try something different this year. Take advantage of the energy of spring, a birthday, or another meaningful time in your life. Give yourself the gift of reflection, clarity, and intention-setting when you feel most ready for it. I’ve shared photos of my Vision Boards over the years to inspire you. And if you’d like to explore this process more deeply, I run Vision Board workshops where we create, reflect, and connect throughout the year. Now is the perfect time to plant the seeds of your future. Are you ready? Enjoy the day you create.   Until next time   Martin